Crazy Like Me
by Xiowolfe
Summary: What if the X-Men were all nuts? (well most of them anyways) What if Xavier's was a mental institution? Read to find crazy mutants act all...crazy!!! PG-13 for language. Please Review!!!
1. Meds!

DISCLAIMER: what do you want again? oh that's right...degrade me a little more by telling me i DON'T OWN THE X-MEN!! like i don't know that by now? well, fine. just to spite you i'm going to have a big party and invite them ALL. so ha! ;P  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This may just be a one shot, still not sure. Probably though. Not all the X-Men are crazy, but which ones? You'll hafta figure that out as you read! mwahahaha!  
  
SUMMARY: What if all the X-Men were nuts? (well, most of them anyway) What if Xavier's was a mental institution? Read to see crazy mutants act all...crazy!   
  
~*~*~  
  
Crazy Like Me  
  
~*~*~  
  
Bobby casually came down the stairs, stopping in his tracks when he heard someone talking in the rec room. He quickly went into the room, eyes wide with shock at what he had found.  
  
Beast was sitting on the coffee table, rocking back and forth with his large, blue-furred hands covering his eyes. "Purple people aren't real, purple people aren't real, purple people aren't real..."  
  
Bobby slowly appraoched Beast, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."  
  
"AHHHHH!!!!" Hank shrieked, promptly falling off the coffee table onto his ass. "Bobby it's you! Did you see them?!"  
  
"Who?! Where?!" Bobby immediately iced-up and got into a defensive position. "I already gave back his Lucky Charms!!!" The boy nearly sobbed. "I swear!!!"  
  
Beast leapt to his feet, eyes scanning the room fearfully...but mostly due to his paranoia. "No, not Lucky the Leprachaun....the p-p-purple people!!!"  
  
"Hey, like, what's goin' on down here guys?" A voice came from behind, and it was Kitty.  
  
"AHHH!!!!" Beast yelped again, this time jumping on Bobby's back and making the two of them topple over.  
  
"Oof! Get offa me Hank!" Bobby groaned, scowling at the skittish mutant.   
  
Hank smiled sheepishly and got to his feet. "Hello Kitty." He waved innocently.  
  
"What are you guys doing? You have to be in your rooms by now ya know. Professor's rules." She pointed toward the stairs, rolling her eyes. The loonies all had a curfew, but some of them had to be in earlier than others due to their specific mentality. Some of the patients were insomniacs and had a later curfew, then took their meds and got some sleep.  
  
Hank and Bobby both bowed their heads shamefully and walked sadly up to their rooms.  
  
"Behave you guys! You wouldn't want the Prof. to hafta like call in a lock down now would you?" Kitty called after them. She heard a depressed, 'No' as they went up the stairs, then she turned into the kitchen to check if some of the others had gotten out of their rooms.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Speaking of depressed, Jean Grey was in the kitchen, staring into a now warm glass of milk. "The milk is warm! It hates me too!" She cried mournfully.  
  
*BAMF!*  
  
Kurt appeared in the room beside the refrigerator, swishing his tail behind him. He was hopping up and down, strapped completely in a straightjacket. "Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!" he sang.  
  
Jean looked up, her eyes incredibly depressed and dull. "Kuuuuuurt," she whined. "you do realize you're one of the reasons we're not allowed to go on big field trips anymore right?"  
  
Kurt laughed maniacally, hopping his way toward Jean. "Nope!" he said cheerfully.  
  
Jean rolled her eyes. "We can't do anything...life is dull..."  
  
The kitchen door suddenly swung open, making Kurt jump even higher than he already was.  
  
"KURT!" Kitty yelled angrily, coming through the door. "You were supposed to be in your room 3 hours ago!"  
  
He just laughed, swishing his tail back and forth. "Why is that Kitty?" he questioned playfully.  
  
Kitty sighed. Nightcrawler had to be one of the most difficult patients to work with. Because of his teleporting ability it was very difficult to make him stay in his room, or anywhere he was supposed to be. A straightjacket didn't even help at all, though luckily he couldn't teleport out of that. This was why Kurt had to normally be heavily drugged. "C'mon Kurt, it's time for your meds."  
  
Nightcrawler started to hop around the island counter where Jean was seated, still staring into her glass of milk. "No, no, no Kitty! No meds! No meds for Kurty!!!"  
  
Kitty smiled, standing in the doorway. "Meds? Did I say meds? No Kurt, I meant sugar, you want some sugar?"  
  
"Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!!!" The blue elf boy repeated happily, now jumping up and down infront of Kitty. He stopped for a second, staring at her. "This wouldn't be a trick now right?"  
  
Kitty wrapped her arm around the boy, leading him out of the kitchen. "Of course not!"  
  
"OKAY!" Kurt said happily, walking off with Kitty and having no clue that he was about to receive a large dose of sedative.  
  
Kitty glanced back at Jean as she was leaving. "You have one more hour 'till your curfew!"  
  
Jean let out a depressed sigh. "Of course...one more hour...one more second...what does it matter?"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Outside beside the pool were Logan, Rogue, and Scott.  
  
Logan sat on the edge of the diving board, his feet just touching the water. He had his arms crossed, and a scowl on his face. "I do NOT like swimming!" he yelled, then turned to the side as if talking to someone, he grumbled, "Leave me alone! You like the water so much, YOU go in!!" Logan growled, kicking at the water.  
  
Scott sat in a lawn chair on the side of the pool. He pointed at Logan and laughed. "He's talking to himself again! Hahahahahahaha!"  
  
Rogue glared at him. "Oh, SHUT UP Scott!" she rolled her eyes and kicked over his chair.  
  
Scott landed in the grass with a *thump*. "Hey!" He stood up and began to wipe off his pants. "Oh. My. God!"   
  
"What!?" Rogue snarled angrily.   
  
Scott's eyes began to water and his lip quivered. "There's grass stain on my pants!!!" He started rubbing at the tiniest speck of green on his khaki pants. "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." Scott continued mumbling to himself. He then closed his eyes and started counting the bricks along the side of the pool. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5...6, 7............12, 13...."  
  
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Oh no, not again. Now he's gonna hafta count them all 3 times."  
  
Scott stopped counting for a moment to glare at Rogue. "YOU NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT!!!" he yelled, then went on with his obsessive counting.  
  
Rogue stood there, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.   
  
Storm walked over to the pool area, staring at the three patients who were currently unsupervised. Rogue was among the least in need of help, and Scott and Logan being near the top of the 'mentally insane' list. Thankfully, most of this could be controlled with the right meds. Ororo walked over to Logan, putting a hand on his shoulder as she watched him argue with an invisible person at his side.   
  
"Stupid fuck face..." Logan grumbled at his side. "I toldja I didn't wanna swim...shut yer mouth...grr..." he unsheathed his claws, striking at thin air by his left.   
  
Storm seemed unphased, she'd seen this act many times before. "Logan, have you taken your meds today?" she asked him with a soft motherly tone.  
  
"Meds?! I need 3 pills.....3 pills....morning, afternoon, night...3 pills!" Scott shouted as he walked around Storm and Logan, still counting the bricks along the pool.  
  
"He told me not ta take 'em...poison...it's poison..." Logan grumbled, shaking his head side to side as he stared down at the pool. He glanced back at Storm, sheathing his claws. "He said it was poison....poison...not me, he said it."   
  
Ororo took Logan's hand and guided him to his feet, she watched Scott go by them again, then finally stop counting.   
  
"3,426!" Scott announced proudly. "3 times I counted them, 3 times...3, 246...that was one time, one time....3 times is more..uh huh...it's more. 3 times."  
  
"Alright Scott, Rogue, come on, time to take your meds, all of you." Ororo told them, keeping watch as she gathered them all and started walking back to the mansion.  
  
"AH DON'T NEED MEDS!!" Rogue snarled, turning to glare at Storm as they walked back. "Ah ain't nuts like these guys!"  
  
Scott stuck his tongue out at Rogue, then did it again, and again.   
  
Logan abrupty pulled his hand away from Ororo and shoved Scott to the ground. "Eat dirt! Haha!"  
  
Rogue giggled and began skipping towards the mansion. "La, la, la, laaaa!!!!! It's beautiful out!"  
  
Ororo sighed as the girl skipped off. She helped Scott off the ground and turned to Logan. "That wasn't very nice."  
  
Logan just jutted a thumb to his side at his imaginary friend. "He made me do it. It was Fred. Drop Dead Fred!!!!" He just laughed hysterically and started chasing after Rogue toward the mansion.  
  
Ever since Logan had watched the movie 'Drop Dead Fred' on tv, he insisted that his imaginary friend was Drop Dead Fred. Ororo looked at Scott who was about to burst into tears because he had gotten dirty. "Here we go..." she sighed.  
  
A/N: I changed my mind...I will write more if I get some reviews, if ya want me to. ;P. it's gonna be mostly plotless and insane though, just ta warn ya. Please Review!!! 


	2. SPLAT!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: since a few of you asked...i'm going to bring in some of the b-hood (acolytes too, jus' cuz i like them ;P). oh yeah, and i know the mansion doesn't have a cafeteria and some of the other rooms i'll be having in this, but since it's a mental institution now, it does.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Crazy Like Me  
  
~*~*~  
  
Professor Xavier had gathered all his help (the sane people) into his office. This was a little difficult because that meant no one was watching the patients. It was recreation time, so hopefully they were all getting along fine and busying themselves...which never happened.   
  
Ororo and Kitty sat patiently in front of Charle's desk, waiting for what he had to say.  
  
"As the two of you know, we could use more help around here. That is going to happen, but we also are receiving a few more patients." Ororo and Kitty groaned, but he continued. "Now, I don't want you to worry, it'll all be fine."   
  
At that moment there were 3 distinctive knocks at the door and Ororo, Kitty, and the Professor all turned around.  
  
"What is it Scott?" Charles called.  
  
The office door opened and Scott was shoved inside by Hank. "Get on with it! Get on with it!" The Beast told the boy impatiently as he constantly glanced over his shoulder.  
  
"There's people at the door, um...visitors?" Scott glanced back at Hank and he shrugged. "Today's not visitor day, nope...we shouldn't have visitors...uh uh." he shook his head.  
  
Professor Xavier wheeled his chair from around the desk and Ororo and Kitty stood. "They're here."  
  
~*~*~  
  
In the rec room, most of the mutants were keeping themselves occupied. Logan was sitting infront of the TV on the floor, watching 'Drop Dead Fred' for the 5th time that day.  
  
Kurt bounced up and down behind him, glad to be free of his straightjacket. "DROP DEAD FRED!!!! hahahahaha!!!" he shouted giddily.  
  
Jean was sitting on the floor, leaning lazily against the couch. "Can't we watch something else?" she complained.  
  
Logan shot her a glare and Kurt turned around sharply, the two of them shouting, "NO!"  
  
Jean sighed. "Fiiiiine. I never get to watch what I want anyway...."  
  
Bobby was playing foosball in the back of the room with Rogue, who was having one of her giddy days. "This is sooooo much fun!" she grinned.  
  
Bobby's eyes darted around the room as he played, and he leaned forward against the table, whispering to Rogue, "Heeey...have you seen him around? He's looking for me...don't tell him where I am if he asks you okay?"  
  
Rogue's eyebrows furrowed as she listened to him, leaning forward and whispering, "Who?"  
  
"Lucky the Leprachaun..." Bobby mumbled.  
  
"Oh, riiiight." Rogue said with amazement.  
  
Kitty walked into the rec room, carrying a tray with little plastic cups with pills in them, each labled for who was to take what. She approached Logan by the TV and knelt down, holding out a cup of pills. "Here, take these."  
  
Logan just shook his head, frowning. "Can't."  
  
"Why not?" Kitty asked him with a sigh.  
  
"It'll make him go away. He doesn't want to go away." He grumbled.  
  
"Ohh..." Kitty nodded. "Drop Dead Fred....right?"  
  
Logan still stared at the TV, his eyes glued to the screen.  
  
"Ok," Kitty said thoughtfully. "Well, how 'bout you take these 'special' other pills, and Fred can go on a nice vacation?" she smiled.  
  
Logan just held out his hand, "Ok."  
  
Kitty dropped the pills into his palm, then gave him some water, and watched as they were swallowed. She stood up, looking at who was next on her list in need of meds. She walked over to Bobby, holding out the cup. "Here Bobby."  
  
"Woohoo!!" The boy replied gleefully, taking the pills and downing them without any water.  
  
Kitty half smiled. Bobby had to be the only patient that actually wanted to take his meds.  
  
"This is gonna keep Lucky away!" Bobby cheered.  
  
Rogue rolled her eyes as Kitty walked off again. She turned around and started for the couch. "I don't wanna play foosball anymore..." she grumbled, obviously no longer in her giddy stage. She looked to the door upon hearing some yelling.  
  
"I'm going to eat your brain!!!!"  
  
Almost all of the patients in the room turned around to find Toad coming in the doorway followed by Storm.   
  
"Everyone, Todd is one of our new patients." she smiled, leading the boy into the rec room.  
  
Toad was in his own little world, a goofy grin on his face. "Don't eat my brain!!!" he squeeked in a tiny voice.   
  
Another boy came in with orange/red hair. It was Pyro. "You all remember John don't you? He'll be joining us as well." Storm smiled as John came out from behind her.  
  
He scowled, looking around at everyone. "Don't call me John...call me....PYRO!!!!!!" he yelled maniacally.  
  
"Luckily no one around here is allowed to have lighters or matches." Ororo mumbled as she started to back out of the room. "Everyone be nice now. Today's a special day and you all get extra recreation time."  
  
A few cheers rang around the room and Ororo exited quietly.  
  
"Toad smells!!!" Logan yelled randomly, still staring at the TV as Todd hopped on the back of the couch where Kurt was sitting.  
  
Todd wrinkled his nose, sticking out his tongue at Logan. "That wasn't very nice yo!"  
  
"Fred told me ta say it." Logan grumbled back.  
  
"Who's Fred...and can I eat his brain?!" Toad flipped off the couch, landing beside Logan and smiled.  
  
"DROP DEAD FRED!!" Kurt shouted in responce to Toad's question.  
  
Logan glanced to his side for a moment, then looked back at Toad with a glare. "He says you can't eat his brain...but he wants to make pants pie now." Logan stood up quickly and started to stalk out of the rec room.  
  
"Yuuuuum pants pie....yuuuum braaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn......" Toad started staring at the wall, his long green tongue hanging out of his mouth. He turned around abrubty and stared at Kurt. "No you can't eat my brain!!!"  
  
Kurt just bounced up and down happily, swishing his tail and looking at the TV.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Pyro was sitting on the pool table, watching Bobby make ice slides and go back and forth in front of him. He finally got bored, and as Bobby started to slide past he stuck out his foot and tripped him.  
  
Bobby went flying on his face across the floor. He jumped up, yelping, "Floor burn! Floor burn! owwieowwieowwieowwie!!!!!!"  
  
Pyro fell back against the pool table, rolling with laughter.  
  
Professor Xavier then wheeled in the room, with non other than Magneto at his side. "Well Erik, are you sure you want to help out here?" he raised an eyebrow.  
  
Magneto shrugged. "I think I'll be able to handle them Charles."  
  
Just then something came flying through the air to hit Magneto in the back of the head with a loud, *SPLAT!*  
  
He and Xavier turned around to see Logan standing there with a gooey spoon in his hand and pointing to an invisible person by his side. "He did it!!"  
  
A/N: Toady and Pyro joined the insane-ness, and Magneto's going to stick around and be an orderly-type person! hahahaha! he has no idea what he's getting into. Probably more of the b-hood and acolytes will come in later. Please Review!!! 


	3. Gathering the loonies

AUTHOR'S NOTE: just ta clear this up incase there's any confusion. kitty and ororo are orderlies (like nurses i suppose) and uh...yeah. don't worry for you peoples who wanna see gambit crazy...i have plans for him. mwahahaha....  
  
~*~*~  
  
Crazy Like Me  
  
~*~*~  
  
A few days later....  
  
Night time was descending upon the loony bin and Kitty, Ororo, Erik, and Charles roamed around, gathering up patients and sending them to their rooms to lock up for the night.  
  
Kitty found Beast hanging upside down in the danger room, biting his nails. She looked up at him with a scowl on her face, hands on her hips. "Hank, how did you get in here? The door's always locked."  
  
Hank did a flip in mid-air and landed nibly on the floor beside Kitty. He pointed a shaky finger to the corner of the room. "I had to hide from the p-p-purple people!!! Kurt let me in to hide...but they followed me!"  
  
Kitty took hold of Hank's arm and started walking with him out of the danger room. "Alright come on, it's like, time to go to bed." Kitty picked up her radio that rested on her belt and called in Storm. "Storm, it's Kitty, have you gotten Kurt yet?"  
  
"Yes Kitty, he's very much sedated and locked up for the night." Storm's voice replied over the radio.  
  
Kitty nodded, clipping her radio back to her belt and walked with Hank to his room.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Aw, bloody hell!!!" Pyro shouted as he scurried around the rec room when Ororo spotted him.   
  
"Pyro get back here! We have curfew in this institution young man! You should know that by now!" she yelled, electricity sparking around her and her eyes turning white.  
  
Pyro frowned, leaning up against the pool table. He pointed at Logan who had found his place back in front of the TV. "What about HIM huh?! He gets ta stay up!"  
  
Ororo sighed. "Logan's an insomniac, he'll be getting his meds and going to bed sortly I assure you."  
  
Pyro mumbled something incoherent under his breath, dropping his hands by his sides in defeat as he started towards Ororo.  
  
Something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye as she guided Pyro out of the room. Ororo turned to the TV, but there was no one there. "Now where did he go?" she frowned, her eyebrows furrowed. She shook her head and started towards the stairs with one patient.   
  
Going all the way down the stairs was a big ice slide that had already begun to melt. An icy blur went passed Ororo and Pyro as they reached the steps.   
  
"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid!!!!!" Bobby sang as he rode his ice slide up and down the steps.  
  
"Bobby!!" Ororo shouted, grabbing Pyro by the collar of his shirt as he started to take off on her.  
  
"Yeeeeeeesssssss?" Bobby slid to a half in front of the weather goddess, smiling innocently.  
  
"You're room. Now."   
  
Bobby sighed, and Ororo took him by the arm, now leading him and Pyro.  
  
Pyro stuck his tongue out at Bobby. "You got caught mate! haha!" he whispered, laughing.  
  
Bobby glared at Pyro and tried to ignore him. "Next time Lucky bothers me, I'm telling him YOU stole his Lucky Charms." he grumbled.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Erik walked through the cafeteria, checking under tables for patients who were dodging bed time. He took his radio from his belt and held down the button. "Charles? It's Erik, I'm still unable to locate Toad."  
  
There was a little crackling on the radio before Professor Xavier responded. "He's in the infirmary. After eating 5 tubes of toothpaste he got sick and Ororo brought him down there."  
  
Erik rolled his eyes and sighed. "Alright, then is that all of them?" he questioned into the radio again.  
  
"Kitty gathered Jean and Rogue, only Scott and Logan are missing now." Charles replied.  
  
Magneto was about to clip his radio back to his belt, when he thought he heard talking just outside the cafeteria. It sounded like the person was...counting? Realization struck him and he again brought the radio to his mouth. "I think I've discovered Scott."   
  
Charles simply replied with an 'alright', and Magneto quietly exited the cafeteria.  
  
Scott was pacing the hallway, mumbling, "1, 2, 3....1, 2,3....1, 2, 3..." as he walked back and forth.  
  
Erik sighed, stepping infront of the boy. "Shouldn't you be in your room?" he raised an eyebrow, his tone very serious.  
  
Scott stopped abrubtly, staring at the master of magnetism with wide eyes. "No, no, no...wait." he seemed to think for a moment, then his eyes darted around until he caught sight of Erik's watch and stared at it. "Yes, yes, yes...lock up....night time..."  
  
Magneto sighed and started walking through the hall, waiting for Scott to follow him.   
  
"Need to take other meds...yep, yep, yep...nightly meds...3rd pill time of the day...." the boy mumbled as he walked.  
  
"Ok, we'll get you your meds...now, have you seen Logan?" Erik asked accusing, like Scott should know where he was.  
  
The boy shook his head 3 times. "No." he started to fidget, then nodded 3 times as Magneto continued to stare at him accusingly. "Yes." Scott pointed toward the kitchen. "Something about pants pie..."  
  
"Oh dear..." Erik sighed, then turned back to Scott. "Can I trust you to go straight to your room? I will send up Ororo for your nightly meds."  
  
Scott started up the steps. "Yeah..." The boy had to have his meds 3 times a day, at the correct times, or everything would be messed up for him. He left willingly, quickening his pace.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Erik cautiously entered the kitchen and flipped on a lightswitch. He found Logan sitting in the sink with a pan on his head. His eyes were all bloodshot, looking like he hadn't slept in a while. Magneto raised an eyebrow as Logan looked his way. "Meds, and lock up time, let's get moving."  
  
Logan glanced to his side, mumbled something, then turned back to Magneto. "We can't do that."  
  
"You don't want me to make you." Erik told him, a dangerous tone to his voice. He crossed his arms over his chest and with a flick of his wrist, he lifted Logan out of the sink by the metal in his skeleton and left him hovering there.   
  
"WAIT! We don't like to fly! We get air sick!!!" Logan yelled, grunting with a failed attempt to break free from Magneto's hold. "Drop Dead Fred will kill you! Chop you up in the meat grinder!" he snarled furiously.  
  
Ororo stormed into the kitchen, glaring at Magneto. "Erik! You cannot treat patients that way!"  
  
Magneto rolled his eyes and released Logan, watching as he fell to the kitchen floor with a *thud*. He turned on his heel and angrily left the kitchen, mumbling something about 'disipline'.  
  
Ororo kindly approached Logan and sat beside him on the floor. She pulled a bottle of pills from her pocket, spilling some into her palm and handing them to him. "Take these, it will help you sleep." Normally with certain patients, the only way to deal with them was in a kind and calm manner. She also thought Logan had some kind of crush on her because he didn't respond this well with the others.  
  
Logan took the pills from her offered hand and chewed them, still a disgruntled look on his face. "Fred doesn't like Mr. Magnet...." he grumbled. "He's a jerk..."  
  
Ororo patted his back, stifling a short laugh.   
  
Suddenly the peaceful moment was interrupted with a break in the radio silence. "STORM! KURT'S GOTTEN OUT!!!!"   
  
A/N: i will have gambit come in later...pietro too maybe. just be patient! and please review!!! 


	4. Escapees

AUTHOR'S NOTE: since some of you seem to really want an explanation of the loonies ailments...here we go.  
  
Jean: manic depression with suicidal tendencies  
  
Kurt: well, he's kind of just generally insane...  
  
Hank and Bobby: they both pretty much suffer from anxiety and paranoia...  
  
Rogue: bipolar, with anger issues  
  
Logan: schizophrenic, tends to act like a child (i dunno what that really is), anger issues, insomniac  
  
Scott: obsessive cumpulsive disorder (OCD)  
  
Toad: ADHD with a bit of general insanity...  
  
Pyro:oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) (i hadta look this up so here's a brief explanation) [persistent fighting and arguing, being touchy or easily annoyed, and deliberately annoying or being spiteful or vindictive to other people.]  
  
~*~*~  
  
Crazy Like Me  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ororo sighed and stood up, putting away her radio. She thought she heard a soft *BAMF* just outside the kitchen door, and curiously moved toward it to check it out.   
  
Kurt bounced happily in the hall outside the kitchen door and waved a three fingered hand at Ororo, smiling. "Helloooooooo!" he grinned, showing off his fangs, then with another *BAMF!* he was gone.  
  
Ororo shook her head with another sigh, then turned back to the kitchen where she'd left Logan. "Logan?" she furrowed her brows, looking right where she'd left him on the floor near the sink. Ororo put a hand to her forehead and groaned. "This is going to be a long night..." she grabbed her radio and called in Kitty. "Kitty, I've spotted Kurt outside the kitchen, but he teleported before I could get to him. Logan's taken off again too, but he's just taken his sleeping pills so it shouldn't be too difficult to round him up."  
  
"Alright, I'll go look for-EEP!"  
  
Ororo furrowed her brows, holding up the radio and listening for Kitty again. "Are you there Kitty?"  
  
There was a slight crackling noise and a disgruntled Kitty answered back. "Yeah, I'm here. Kurt just 'ported in behind me and scared me like half to death!"  
  
"I'll keep an eye out for Kurt and try and get Logan again." Ororo told the girl, then clipped her radio back to her belt and exited the kitchen.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Kurt 'ported in and out of rooms happily, jumping about and yelling 'peek-a-boo!' at anyone he saw. He snuck into Toad and Pyro's room and shook them both awake. "Wakey wakey!!!"  
  
Toad looked up at Kurt with sleepy eyes. "Hey! Blue boy's up! I want to eat your brain! mwahahaha!" he jumped up from his bed and grinned, hopping from his bed to Pyro's over and over.  
  
"Cut it out ya stupid bloke!" Pyro growled at him. As Toad jumped from his bed again, Pyro grabbed his foot, making the boy fall flat on his face to the floor.   
  
Kurt laughed maniacally and started hopping up and down. "Time to go free! Run amuck, amuck, amuck!!!"  
  
Toad and Pyro both stared at the blue boy curiously, then Kurt grabbed both their shoulders and teleported, leaving a puff of smoke and brimstone in the room.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Logan started to stumble up the stairs, the effects of the strong sleeping pills getting to him. He turned to his side and grumbled, "I ain't gettin' tired, yer gettin' tired...shut up Fred...." He was three steps away from the top of the stairs when he collapsed, fast asleep.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Pyro giggled madly as he approached Hank and Bobby's room, then knocked on the door and yelled, "Lucky the Leprachaun and the purple people here for Mr. Hank and Mr. Bobby!!!" he heard two gasps from inside the room, then thrust the door open, thinking it stupid that the locks could be opened from the outside. "BOO!"  
  
"EEEEEEK!!" Hank screeched, leaping to the ceiling and clinging to the chandelier.  
  
"I didn't take your Lucky Charms!!! I swear!!!!" Bobby screamed from the bed, throwing the blankets over his head.  
  
Pyro fell to floor and began laughing hysterically. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
Bobby peered out from under the covers. "PYRO!" he yelled, leaping to the floor and grabbing Pyro's neck with ice cold hands.  
  
Hank jumped down from the ceiling, landing beside Bobby and pulling him away from Pyro. "Now, now, don't fight...just be thankful the purple people and Lucky aren't here." he said quietly.  
  
"Jerk..." Bobby mumbled, still glaring at Pyro.  
  
The red haired boy just stuck out his tongue. "How can I be a jerk if I just let you out eh mate?" he grinned proudly.  
  
"Freedom!!!" Beast sang happily, leaping over Pyro and galloping on all fours down the hall.  
  
Bobby shrugged, ignoring Pyro and running past him out of the room.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Kitty was just about to reach the stairs when she thought she heard something. As she neared the top of the stairs she saw Logan fast asleep and snoring loudly. She sighed and picked up her radio. "Ororo? I found Logan, he's sleeping on the stairs. I haven't seen Kurt again though." she waited for a responce.  
  
"Alright. He probably won't be easy to wake, so if you can't, ask Erik to get Logan back to his room."  
  
"Ok, I'm on it." Kitty replied, kneeling beside Logan. She nudged him roughly, but when he just mumbled something in his sleep and went back to snoring she decided to call in Magneto. Kitty switched the channels on her radio and called him in, "Hey Erik, you there?"  
  
"Yes, I'm here Kitty." was the short reply.  
  
"Can you like, come to the top of the stairs? Logan's asleep over here and needs to be taken to his room and no one else can like, lift him."  
  
"I'll be there shortly."  
  
Kitty nodded to herself, switching channels on her radio again and clipping it to her belt.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ororo was checking the rec room when she saw a blue blur leap from one couch to another, then the pool table and take off. It wasn't Kurt, that was too big to be Kurt. She gasped as she stepped forward and slipped on a patch of ice. "Oof!" she looked around, noticing there was lots of ice everywhere, and green goo that only came from one mutant, Toad. "Oh no, more of the other patients have gotten out..."  
  
A/N: sorry this took so long, but here ya go! please review! 


	5. Seperation anxiety and duct tape

~*~*~  
  
Crazy Like Me  
  
~*~*~  
  
Kitty was sitting on the step as Logan slept, waiting for Magneto to come and help her move him. She looked up when the doorbell rang and stood up to go answer it. "He's asleep so...he won't be going anywhere." Kitty said to herself as she went down the stairs to get the door.  
  
Unknown to Kitty, as she reached the door Kurt teleported onto the steps with a soft *BAMF*. He laughed to himself and stared at Logan for a few minutes, poking the sleeping Canuck. "Heeeey...you wakey?" The boy put a blue finger to his chin in thought, then put his hand on Logan's shoulder and 'ported from the stairs.  
  
Kitty opened the door to find Gambit sitting on the step, rocking back and forth. She furrowed her brows, then decided on calling the Professor. She didn't feel like using her radio, so she just tried contacting him telepathically. *-Professor?-*  
  
*-Yes Kitty.-* he replied kindly.  
  
*-Um...Gambit uh..he's on the doorstep.*- she just watched the Cajun rock back and forth silently, not even sure if he acknowledged her presence.  
  
*-Oh yes, Remy LeBeau, I forgot he was coming today. Take him inside, I've set up a room for him on the east wing.-*  
  
Kitty nodded to herself. *-Alright, but um..what's uh...what's his condition?-*  
  
It took a few seconds for Xavier to respond. *-Seperation anxiety to a very high degree, that's why it took so long to get him moved here. He also thinks he's a child. Just be very kind with him so he can get used to someone.-*  
  
Kitty sighed to herself, "This may be dificult." she mumbled, then broke her connection with Xavier and approached Remy slowly.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Magneto was about to meet Kitty at the stairs when he heard something that sounded like crying in the bathroom. He sighed and cautiously stepped to the door, knocking lightly. "Hello?"  
  
"Go away!" the voice from the bathroom yelled back.  
  
Erik sighed. "Come on Jean, I know it's you." There was no answer in return. "I'm coming in." He walked right in, yanking the bathroom door open by the doorknob, using his control over metal.   
  
Jean sat on the floor, huddled infront of the sink with her arms wrapped around her knees.  
  
Erik sighed and looked to the shiny metal razors on the floor beside the teen's feet. He raised them into the air, then crushed them into a little metal sphere and tossed it in the trash. "And I'm sure you were not going to kill yourself Jean dear." he said with a hint of sarcasm.  
  
Jean glared at him and stood up. "It just figures that someone would show up and stop me!"  
  
Erik rolled his eyes and pointed to the door, watching as Jean marched out with her head bowed.   
  
"I know, I know, 'go to your room now.' " she said, mimicking Magneto's deep, authorative voice.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ororo was checking the mansion's lower levels when she heard two voices down the hall.   
  
"We should eat his brain! mwahahahaha!"  
  
"Spin you little monkey, spiiiiiiiin!!!!"  
  
The weather Goddess sighed, quickening her pace as she turned the corner. She found Todd and Kurt, spinning a sleeping Logan around in a wheeling desk chair that he was strapped to with duct tape. "What on Earth are you boys doing?!"  
  
Todd turned to Ororo, his eyes wide. "Ahhhhh!!! We busted yo!"  
  
Kurt just smiled innocently as if nothing was wrong. He waved to Ororo and leapt to the back of the chair, spinning it with a flick of his tail. The boy grinned again, then he and Logan were gone with a signature *BAMF*, the only thing left in their place among the smoke and scent of brimstone.  
  
Ororo tapped her foot with her hands on her hips, watching Toad intently as he looked about to bolt. "Don't even think about it Toad."  
  
The boy wavered a smile, then yelped and hopped along down the hall. "I ain't goin' back yo! You'll never take me alive! mwahahahahaha!!!"  
  
Lightning sparked around Storm, her eyes turning an almost glowing white. Thunder boomed from outside, shaking the entire mansion. "Get back here." she said firmly.  
  
Toad stopped dead in his tracks, turning around with his hands in the air like he was about to be arrested. "Ok, ok, jus' don't do the zappy thing!"  
  
Ororo took the boy's hand as he approached her tentatively, and she began leading him to the elevator.  
  
A/N: soooo sorry this took me forever, i actually forgot about it...oops...heh. well, hope this chapter made up for my absense in writing, Gambit's been introduced atleast! be happy now! and please review!!! 


	6. Blue kids cause trouble

AUTHOR'S NOTE: whoa, long time huh? i know it's been a loooong while since i updated, but i had a real bad case of writer's block! i didn't forget this time! really! so...read on.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Crazy Like Me  
  
~*~*~  
  
Kitty reluctantly walked down the hall with Remy who had now refused to let go of her hand. "Hey, you okay?"  
  
He was clutching a raggedy looking teddy bear to his chest and his red on black eyes were fearful like a small child. He shook his head. "Remy wan' to g'home." he pouted.  
  
Kitty sighed, then smiled at him kindly as she continued leading him along and up the stairs. "This *is* your home now. Don't worry, it'll all be-" she stopped herself as they neared the top of the stairs. "Oh no!" Kitty smacked herself in the forehead with her free hand. There's was no one on the steps where she'd left Logan. She stopped at the top of the stairs and grabbed her radio as Remy watched her curiously. "Um..anybody on this channel...I lost Logan."  
  
Ororo's voice was who answered. "Kitty, I just brought Toad back to his room. I found him and Kurt in the lover levels where they had Logan tied to a desk chair with duct tape. Kurt teleported away before I could get to them."  
  
Kitty sighed. "Thanks Storm, I guess I'll keep an eye out. Our new patient, Gambit is here so I gotta bring him to his room first."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Professor Xavier was in his office looking at a chart he'd made of all the patients that were successfully back in their rooms. So far; Toad, Jean, and Scott were in their rooms. That left; Bobby, Hank, John, Rogue, Logan, and Kurt. Kitty was taking Remy to his room, and that was already a safe bet he'd stay there since he didn't know his way around.  
  
Erik walked into Charles' office, nudging a reluctant Beast inside. "I found him raiding the cupboards for Twinkies."  
  
Hank smiled sheepishly, his face covered in crumbs.  
  
"Thank you Erik." Xavier marked Beast off the list of rebel patients. "I'll take him to his room, you can help the others finish the round up."  
  
Erik nodded, leaving Beast in the office, then swiftly turned and left the room.  
  
"Come with me Hank." Charles smiled at the mutant, then began wheeling out into the hall. "No tricks alright?" he winked.  
  
Hank smiled toothily and strode beside Xavier's chair like a loyal dog.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Kitty pushed open the door to a single room, leading Remy inside. "Here you go, it's your new room." she smiled.  
  
Remy cautiously stepped inside, nibling on the old teddy bear's ear. His red and black eyes widened as he took in the room. It was a perfect match to his old room. He grinned widely, running inside and hopping on his bed.   
  
"It's safe." Kitty told him with a kind smile. "You like it?"  
  
"Oui, Remy like!" he grinned broadly, bouncing happily on the bed.  
  
Kitty turned to leave the room. "I gotta go now, but I'll come back and see you okay?" she saw the mutant nod, then closed the door all the way and stepped outside into the hall.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ororo had just gathered Bobby and locked him in his room, and was now checking the cafeteria again when she heard yelling coming from the rec room.  
  
"What are you doing?! We don't wanna go to Canada tonight!! STOP TRYING TO TAKE US BACK TO CANADA!!!"  
  
Ororo quirked an eyebrow as she quietly made her way to the room, stopping just before the entrance and carefully peeking in. She saw Rogue pulling Logan (who was still duct taped to the chair) towards the center of the room where she began un-taping him as gently as possible.  
  
"Will ya'll quit yer damn hollerin'!? I'm tryin' ta get'cha free ya big oaf!!"  
  
Logan growled, his face twisting as he flinched when a long strip of tape was ripped from his arm. "OOWW!! Fred doesn't like duct tape!!!" he grumbled, staring at the red skin of his bare arm which was now stripped of hair.   
  
"Aw, quit it ya big baby, it'll grow back." Rogue told him, rolling her eyes as she peeled the rest of the tape from Logan's shirt, freeing him from the wheely chair.  
  
Ororo stepped into the room, her hands on her hips as she stared at the two. She sighed, because Logan's sleeping pills had worn off so she would need to give him more, but she didn't have any with her. "Alright you two, it's VERY late and you both need to be in your rooms."  
  
Rogue crossed her arms and marched toward Ororo. "Fine ah'll go. Everyone's jus' runnin' around like crazy anyways." she grumbled.  
  
"Logan?" Ororo glared at him, raising a delicate eyebrow before her glare turned to a gentle smile.  
  
He stared at her blankly then got up from the chair he'd previously been stuck too. Logan frowned, then poked at his shoulder where there was remnants of tape stuck to his t-shirt. "I'm sticky." he mumbled before looking to Ororo innocently.  
  
She couldn't help but smile. "Okay, we'll get you some new pajamas to wear alright Logan? Now come with me."   
  
He looked to Ororo and started walking toward her slowly, when a puff of smoke errupted in front of him and Kurt stood grinning and swishing his tail. "NO!" Logan hollered. "I DON'T WANNA GO BACK WITH THE BLUE KID!"  
  
"Kurt!" Ororo yelled, running forward to grab him and Logan before the elf boy could take off again.  
  
Of course, it was too late. "Bye byeee!!!" Kurt waved, grinning devilishly as he grabbed Logan's arm and teleported away.  
  
Ororo groaned, bowing her head as she picked up her radio. "Charles? I've got Rogue, I DID have Logan, but Kurt came in and took him away again."  
  
Professor Xavier's voice answered through some static a few seconds later. "Alright, keep trying Ororo. Erik may need some help, he's currently pursuing John through the halls. We can round up Kurt and Logan after and be done with this."  
  
~*~*~  
  
A/N: ok, well i was gonna make this the last chappy, but eh...it's not. hopefully i won't get writer's block again and the next chapter (which WILL be the last) will come pretty soon. i know everyone who wanted Remy in are gonna be mad 'cos he's not in alot...but oh well. that's the way it is. sorry. ;P PLEEEAAASE REVIEW!!!! and i just wanna thank those of you who've stuck around and pestered me ta update! ;P 


	7. This is hell and the devil is blue

AUTHOR'S NOTE: sorry this took so damn long in coming, but it's here! finally. sheesh. okay, so um..this is the last chappy. how someone's out there willing ta read it. eh...  
  
**_Crazy Like Me_**  
  
"Pyro! Get back here this instant!" Erik was heard yelling throughout the mansion's lower levels as the flame weilding mutant had somehow managed to get down there.   
  
"Erik, I was told you could use some help," Ororo's voice came through his radio.  
  
"No, no, I've got everything under control!!" Magneto yelled back into the radio, holding the button from his belt. He rounded the corner hearing John laughing maniacally, the sound echoeing and bouncing off the metallic walls. Wait..metallic walls huh? Erik suddenly got an idea.  
  
"Trippy, trip, trip. Gonna trip the geezer!!" Pyro laughed to himself as he continued running, then suddenly froze as the metallic walls began moving. They were closing in on him. His eyes widened fearfully. "Ahhh!!! The walls are gonna squish me!!" the next thing that came out of his mouth was a plea for Magneto to help him. "Save me geezer! Saaaave meeeeeee!!! I'll go to my room! I promise! I'll be good! I won't be mean no more!!! Just save meeeeee!!! The walls are gonna eat me!!! AHHHH!!!"  
  
"I'm right here John," Erik rounded the corner with a pleased grin since his tactic had worked. "These walls are quite alive, they don't like trespassers this late," he said with a grin, then raised his arms. "Listen to me walls, return to normal, NOW!"  
  
Pyro watched with awe as it appeared the living walls listened to Magneto's every command. He smiled broadly, then jumped up and down. "Yeah! I'm saved!!!"  
  
"Alright young man, to your room now." Magneto said sternly, glad when Pyro reluctantly stepped in beside him and they made their way toward the upper levels.   
  
= = = = =   
  
"Heeeeey, Canucky, nucky, nuck!! Where are yoooouuuu??" Kurt's voice sang throughout the shower room as he looked around for Logan who was hiding from him in fear of being duct-taped again.   
  
Logan sat curled up on the floor in one of the shower stalls, having disguarded his tape-sticky shirt and left it elsewhere as a decoy. Unfortunately for him, it didn't seem to be working. He could hear Kurt's voice getting closer and closer.   
  
Glancing sideways, Logan's upper lip curled into a snarl and he whispered, "Shut up Fred, I toldja the shirt trick wouldn't work."   
  
"I heeeaaar you!!!" Kurt sang giddily, bounding past the shower stalls and peering in each one.   
  
Logan clamped a hand over his mouth and sat still, jumping slightly as Kurt hopped in front of the stall he hid in, grinning madly.   
  
"Found you!!" the blue elf boy laughed happily.  
  
Growling, Logan gave Kurt a menacing glare that was ignored as he hopped forward, then snaked his tail around and turned on the shower before 'porting back so he didn't get sprayed.  
  
"Rrrr..." Logan growled, then sprung to his feet, still standing under the spraying showerhead.   
  
"Haha, you're all wet!!" Kurt hopped up and down, laughing giddily. He then pinched in his nose and grimaced, pointing at Logan with his other hand. "You smell like a wet doggy." he stuck out his tongue, jumping back when the Canuck lashed out with a fist.   
  
"GO AWAY BLUE BOY!!!" Logan hollered, suddenly unsheathing his claws and swinging blindly as his wet hair got in his eyes.   
  
"Temper, temper," Kurt laughed again, flipping backward and flicking Logan's nose with his tail.   
  
"Ow!" Logan grumbled, stepping out from the shower stall, soaking wet. "Fred doesn't like you an' I don't neither!" he growled, still standing with his claws out.  
  
Kurt continued to laugh annoyingly, then stuck a hand under his shirt and pulled out a roll of duct tape. He grinned insanely, advancing upon Logan.  
  
"NO!!! No more!!!" Logan yelped, eyes going wide. He turned and ran, wet feet slipping and sliding along the tile floor.  
  
Grinning, Kurt took chase, willing to play the game. He took the roll of duct tape in his tail, then dropped to all fours and raced after Logan without teleporting.   
  
= = = = =   
  
As Ororo continued scanning the halls for Kurt and/or Logan, she suddenly spotted something on the floor just before the shower room. Bending down she picked up the piece of cloth, discovering it was Logan's shirt that still had pieces of duct tape on it. Picking up her radio, she switched channels to contact Kitty. "Kitty, have you gotten Remy settled in yet?"  
  
"Yeah 'Ro," she answered somewhat tiredly. "Did you find Logan and Kurt?"  
  
"No," Ororo answered back disappointedly. She glanced at the shirt she was holding, then stepped into the shower room. "But I think I'm close, just keep an eye out in case." with that she clipped her radio back to her belt.  
  
The tile floor of the shower room was streaked with water, and as Ororo began walking past the shower stalls she realized that one of the showers was on. Peering carefully, Ororo found the culprit, though she'd hoped to find either Logan or Kurt there too. She sighed, then shut off the shower and turned to leave. "Guess I've missed them again," she decided to stop in the med lab to pick up some sleeping pills and a sedative in case she happened to catch either of them.  
  
= = = = =   
  
"Fred, go see if he's coming," Logan mumbled quietly to his side as he crouched beside the kitchen counter. He looked off as though he was watching someone go check by the door, then turned to his side again. "Good, I hope he doesn't come back," he grumbled, crossing his arms and sitting with his back against the counter.   
  
A puff of dark smoke appeared before him, and when it cleared there stood Nightcrawler, a mad grin splayed across his face. "Found you again!!" he laughed, balancing on the balls of his feet.  
  
"NO! GO AWAY!" Logan clenched his eyes shut, then jumped forward as Kurt teleported out of reach. He then turned to find the blue boy behind him and began running. Unfortunately, his pants were still dripping wet, therefore making the floor wet where he'd previously walked. Logan slipped, landing flat on his stomach and sliding across the floor. He slid into the refrigerator, knocking his head pretty good and leaving a dent in the fridge.   
  
"HAHAHA!!!" Kurt fell to the floor laughing uncontrollably.   
  
"Ow.." Logan grumbled, reaching up a hand to rub his head. "Shoulda told me the floor was wet, Fred." he mumbled, getting to his feet. He looked down at Kurt then turned to slowly walk away, finding a very displeased looking Ororo blocking the doorway.   
  
Her eyes softened as she stared at him, then cautiously came forward, silently placing a finger to her lips in the 'shh' motion as she crept up on Nightcrawler and kneeled down to him by the floor.  
  
Logan stared blankly at her, then grinned when he saw her pull out a sedative and inject it into Kurt's neck.  
  
"Heeeeey!" Kurt whined when he felt the needle go in and Ororo backed away, holding the empty syringe. "Aww..you make no fun now..." he muttered before submitting to her and sitting there calmly.  
  
Ororo turned to Logan, her brows furrowed as she tried not to laugh. "What happened? You're all wet."  
  
He snorted, crossing his arms over his broad chest, then muttered, "I don't like the blue kid." and didn't say anything else about it.   
  
Smiling, Ororo held out her hand with the sleeping pills. "Are you ready to go to sleep now?" she asked, though she wasn't really going to give him a choice.   
  
Logan sighed, taking the pills and shoving them in his mouth. He looked off to the side, nodded and said, "Yeah."  
  
Gladly picking up her radio, Ororo contacted Charles. "I've rounded up Logan and Kurt. We're done for the night. I'm going to bed."  
  
= = = = =   
  
The next day, lunch time in the cafeteria  
  
Everyone sat around one big table, trays of food before them if they hadn't already gone up to get their food. Despite the lateness of the other night, Charles and Erik had stayed up and put together supression collars for all of the patients. Some of them didn't need them, but patients like Kurt and Toad had to wear them, the rest were made for emergencies. All of this due to their antics during the escape.   
  
So far lunch was going relatively peacefully. Charles, Ororo, Kitty, and Erik were all seated at the staff table, enjoying their meals and briefly taking turns to get up and watch over everyone.   
  
"Will ya'll quit followin' me?" Rogue snapped irritably as she glanced behind her in the food line. Since morning, Kitty had introduced Gambit to her so he'd tag along with someone else while she performed her duties. Now the Cajun wouldn't leave Rogue alone.   
  
"Remy don' know anyone else," he grinned charmingly at her, raggedy old teddy bear clutched under one arm as he carried his tray of food.  
  
Rogue let out an annoyed sigh and continued down the line.   
  
"Nobody took the Lucky Charms!!!" Bobby shouted suddenly and stood, startling Hank who was sitting beside him at the big table. He looked around nervously, then gave an apologetic smile and sat back down to continue eating.   
  
Jean was moaning about the food never being the way she liked it, Scott was sitting next to her counting the kernels of corn on his plate for the third time, Toad was flicking his tongue at Pyro's plate to steal food when he wasn't looking, and Logan and Kurt......  
  
"You're blue and the JELL-O's blue too!!" Logan shouted at Kurt from across the table. He glanced at his side, muttering, "What was that Fred? Yeah, I think so too,"  
  
Kurt's tail swished behind him, then whipped at Logan's plate, knocking mashed potatoes in his face. He laughed, grinning toothily.  
  
Logan glared at Kurt, growling, then looked to the side again. "Yeah, now's good." he muttered darkly.   
  
Ororo stood when she saw Kurt and Logan exchange devious looks towards eachother. The rest of the staff looked to her curiously as she put a hand to her forehead and sighed, "Here we go,"  
  
After that all hell broke loose.  
  
Logan mushed his hand into his potatoes and corn, then threw it in Kurt's face.   
  
Kurt laughed, hopping up on the table and taking his plate along with him as he shouted, "FOOD FIGHT!!!"  
  
= = = = =   
  
THE END!!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: i hope ya liked it! please review!!!! ;P 


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